At the time of writing this an 31 years old, the years seem to go by faster every birthday that passes. My life has been a roller coaster ride, according to my standards I have set, yet I have heard awful stories of other experiences that seem to diminish my own and I often feel that I shouldn’t complain. I can’t help but compare my life to a roller coaster ride, for me there is no better explanation of my experiences; they are the only ones I’ve had after all. These experiences are helping me find my strengths, challenges, and goals in life. They are what make me “Me”, on a roller coaster ride.
In the beginning, the ride starts off waiting in line. The people in line ahead of you are excitedly talking to one another and you can feel the anticipation growing with every step closer you take, and then there are those in line behind you that are groaning in an attempt to demonstrate their lack of patients for the long wait. In line is where I was as a young girl; excited for the future but couldn’t wait to grow up. My parents always said I could do anything I put my mind to and they helped me get into line at the roller coaster. Why? Because that’s the road I naively wanted to take. They wanted to warn me, they wanted to choose for me, but they kept their mouths shut because they knew I had to do it on my own. I guess that was just my personality; do everything the hard way.
My Parents are egalitarians (1). They believe in equality of members in any ethnic group, including my own, but this idea carried over into social economic groups as well. We were poor, and the idea that someone with money was better than me or any other poor person was absurd. I was raised to believe in the American dream, in being able to cross over into an achieved social status above the one I was born into (2). My parents also believed in sharing this dream with others, particularly those from other countries. I think this came mostly from my father who had spent a few years in Hawaii as a pineapple picker and then in Bolivia learning to speak Spanish and Quechan. His ability to love what made those cultures different gave him the ability to teach egalitarianism to his children. He is the most excepting and non-judgmental man I have ever known.
While I was waiting in line for my life to begin on the roller coaster, I had the opportunity, more than once, to be a part of the “American Experience” for two young girls. One from Columbia, her name is Bertha (pronounced: Bear-Ta). She came to live with my family as an exchange student at the age of seventeen, and I was 12 years old. According to her we were rich. Even though I knew we weren’t from a social view point, she was happy to share a room with me and three of my four sisters. It still amazes me to this day that we all fit into that room. The other from Ecuador, her name is Zoila (pronounced: Soy-La). I was seventeen when Zoila came to live with us and by this time I was the oldest left in the home, so we shared a room; just the two of us. Zoila and I spent a year getting to know each other, sharing everything from that room I just told you about to friends and classes at the local High School. Together we were able to eventually form concrete operations in a way that signified a higher communication. Since there was a bit of a language barrier (I had a hard time hearing what she was saying due to her strong accent) we created an expression language. This was great because not only did we know what the other was thinking but we could talk to each other from across the room without any words at all. When she felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave I picked up on it and we left. Our ability to communicate was in perfect unity with each other and became much more than your basic pragmatics.
My opportunity to show the United States way of life to these girls contributed to my incremental model of intelligence by cultivating my awareness of others, and set aside my egocentrism (4). For me, this meant that the world no longer consisted of only the United States or that my culture was the right one, but that there were many more cultures out there just as great as my own. I then found a strength that I had, like my father, I too wanted to find out about the differences of other places in the world and experience them, accept them, and love them as I love myself. I have developed the ability to empathize and learn from that empathy. This meant that we as human beings, no matter the race, culture or religion, should all be equal.
More of my strengths have been discovered after marriage. When I was about 21, my boyfriend and I decided we were old enough to take that roller coaster plunge! The first plunge of the ride is of course the most memorable. All the anticipation of getting on the ride and here we were at the very top just before the fall. You could cut the adrenaline, the excitement in the air with a knife. Learning to be married wasn’t the easiest or the most fun. As the years passed we grew together, changing from “me and my” to “us and our” had evolved. In this relationship I had found I could stand up for myself and voice my opinion. I could be stubborn (in a good way) and not be easily persuaded. I found that I could be persistent. I never knew about these. As I was younger I tended to shy away from those who were most opinionated or that I disagreed with. I easily gave up on ideas that seemed to require more effort and persistence than most.
My husband and I had our first baby; a boy. Until this point on the roller coaster ride, we never had discussed much about parenting. I never really thought it would be such a big deal either, just another one of those naïve moments for me. My husband grew up in an authoritarian home and he thought there was nothing wrong with that (5). The excuse, ”I turned out fine” seemed to escape his lips more than I could count on both hands. My background growing up was never to be forced but more to be persuaded and guided. Disciplined for me meant getting a privilege taken away. Sometimes I wished I could have just had a spanking and called it good, but that was never the way my parents did things. They were good at inflicting the feeling of guilt or at least from my limited memories, guilt was what I remember most. I wouldn’t call my parents permissive or authoritarian; they closely followed more of the authoritative style and their co-regulation was impeccable. So naturally we had to (and still are) consistently debating the best possible way to treat, discipline, and encourage our children.
As a parent I have found many weaknesses. One was me thinking my children were perfect and could do no wrong, this lead to my children getting away with more than a handful of unacceptable behaviors. That was of course until they got older and I was able to observe them from a distance, the kids had no idea I was watching. Sometimes at night I hear them talking to each other and without them knowing it I am listening in on the conversation of an eight year old boy and a three year old girl. I love doing that, most the time I am laughing my head off and other times all I hear is the sibling rivalry between them. I feel I get a better judgment of their personalities and intentions by doing this.
My strengths and weaknesses have led me to many goals I have set for myself and my family. The one that is most important right now is to be able to educate myself and to achieve a higher status than my ascribed status (3). I love school and learning. Not only do I consistently change but so do my children and our family dynamics. Education can only help with this and it will affect my children’s futures as well. I firmly believe that modeling the life I desire for my children is the best way to ensure their success in society and other places around the world if they choose to. I want my children to get a college education, to know about the world and other cultures, and to be able to feel good about their occupation in life. I am still on my roller coaster ride, and I savor every new excitement it brings and I know I will be able to pull out of those plunges that are inevitably going to happen.
Works Cited
1. Egalitarians, The Development of Children by Lightfoot, Cole, and Cole 6th edition, pg.310
2. Achieved status, http://www.sociologyguide.com/basic-concepts/Achieved-Statuses.php
3. Ascribed status, http://www.sociologyguide.com/basic-concepts/Ascribed-Statuses.php
4. Incremental Model of Intelligence & Egocentrism, The Development of Children by Lightfoot, Cole, and Cole 6th edition, pg. 443& pg.482
5. Authoritarian, The Development of Children by Lightfoot, Cole, and Cole 6th edition, pg.346
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